Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Help Typhoon Ondoy victims
Do something to help Typhoon Ondoy victims. Check out the Philippine Red Cross page! My heart goes out to the familys who lost there homes and loved ones. Donate what you can. Food, money, clothing, medicine, or even your time.
http://www.redcross.org.ph/
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Reflections on yesterdays event
I just arrived back home in New York. I'm doing fine. Physically my body feels great. Mentally I have been on this roller coaster of emotions. Angry, upset, sad, overwhelmed, and finally relieved with the whole incident. I trained so hard for the fight, made the sacrifices, and I wasn't even able to perform. Every fighter knows it's the worst feeling not having control of the situation and having the fight canceled just a few hours before show down can feel even worse then losing.
I was totally apologetic to Dana White, Joe Silva, the fans, my team, and to Sam Stout as well. I felt as if it was my fault. Even though I know it wasn't, I still felt guilty for some reason. I felt as though someone else could have fought and I took up the slot and was useless. All these thoughts cross my mind, The truth is I couldn't control the situation. My body for some crazy odd reason needed to shut down at that very moment. Even though I view myself as this super healthy athlete who eats right and exercises all day long. There is something wrong with me which I have no control of,. In fact as soon as I woke up from the “seizure, breakdown, syncpal episode” I declared I was alright and I'm ok to fight. I remember the doctors surrounding me with there heads moving side to side. Whispering things in each others ears and I knew what they were saying. “He's not ok to fight. I just won't approve it.” That's when I really felt like shit. I wasn't making the decisions, the doctors were.
Looking back on it. It was the safest thing to do from the commissioners point of view. They were simply looking out for the safety of the fighters and after an episode like that. They surely won't let me fight. “Lets say that shit happened while you were in the cage fighting already. Let's say Sam hit you once and you collapsed and starting seizing.” -My corner was whispering in my ear. They were all right. But I'd like everyone to know I would have fought if they let me, Even if it wasn't considered the smartest thing. Even if I could have have passed out in the cage. I would have fought till every bone and muscle in my body stopped moving. I guess that's how stubborn fighters like myself are.
I obviously wound up not fighting and went to St. Anthony's ER instead to get worked up. The doctor declare my diagnosis as a syncopal episode and hyperglycemia. He also stated I needed further evaluation with a specialist. Perhaps a follow up an EEG test with a neurologist and a follow up exam with my primary doctor for diabetes.
I returned from the ER to the Cox Convention center to sit and watch the fights as a spectator about midway through the event. I sat there alone and watched and I had so many thoughts running through my mind. Why are you doing this? Look at what just happened. You lost your last two. Now you possibly had a god damn fucking seizure. Maybe you're over doing it. Maybe you should just stick to nursing. I had a lot of negative thoughts about fighting while sitting there. Putting my mother and father through all sorts of stress, getting a bad call from Yves Levine, losing the finale, old injures, quitting my job, and the list kept growing, Then I paused for a second and looked up at one of giant screens they had set up in the convention center and watched this video. Its a highlight reel of various fighters with the song Teenage Wasteland playing by Baba O'Reilly.
Here is the song played at UFC 88. They play it at most of the UFC events.
After watching that, goose bumps grew all over my arms. I saw a compilation of fight clips and different fighters do there thing. I saw it. I saw the glory. I saw Forest Griffin run across the cage smiling after he choked Shogun. I saw Anderson Silva raise his arms sitting on the top of the fence. I saw what it feels like to win. That's why I need this. I need the feeling of winning back in my heart. I need and I want it. Nothing beats that feeling and I'm going to get it. All those negative thoughts of fighting disappeared and I was back! I felt it in my blood and in my gut. This is what I must do, I want to be a fighter, I want to feel victory. I don't care what the costs are. I will try again. Fall seven time only to rise an eighth!
I continued to watch the rest of the fights. I saw Tim Credeur and Nate Quarry battle with every bit of energy they had. They left it in all the cage. I saw Jake Ellenberger and Carlos Condit back and forth battle. I saw these two warriors willing to put everything on the line for that glory. For the win. Fighting inch by inch! The blood dripping from each others faces and the sound of leather gloves smacking the body. I thought to myself. What a spectacular event. What a sport! I need this! I love this!
I must be smart about this. I'm on this medical mission to see whats wrong with me, What went wrong that night? The major question I have for myself is. What can I do to prevent that from ever happening again? That's what I have to figure out in the next few days. Then I'll be back 100% just like that beast you saw on the show.
In this blog I'd like to thank a lot of people. Dana White and Joe Silva are at the top of my list for being so generous and providing me with the show money and win money. They didn't need to provide me with a single penny.. When I found this out I literally broke down in tears of joy. Every up and coming full time professional fighter knows that each check counts! When I approach Dana to thank him his exact words were “We only care about your health. Get better and so we can get you back in that cage!” When I approach Joe to thank him later that evening. He said “Don't you worry Phillipe. We take care of our guys. It wasn't your fault.” My hat goes off to the UFC. Thanks for taking care of me.
I would also like to thank my team, my family, and my friends for helping me prepare for this fight and helping me with this health issue. I know I wasn't able to perform but they are still proud of me. Nardu Debrah, Sifu Ralph Mitchell, Clarence Everette, Alexander “Soca” Freitas, Tyron Credle, John Beneduce, Dave Branch, Luise Levine, all the guys from team Insight, all my teammates at Team Soca BJJ, Renzo Gracie Academy, and Brian Donnelly from Aviator Sports and Recreation. Thanks Jonathan, Fox, Pete, and Christan for coming down and showing support!
I would also like to show special thanks to the ER staff at St. Anthony's Hospital in Oklahoma. They were an excellent team. They worked together and had me feeling very comfortable in no time.
I was totally apologetic to Dana White, Joe Silva, the fans, my team, and to Sam Stout as well. I felt as if it was my fault. Even though I know it wasn't, I still felt guilty for some reason. I felt as though someone else could have fought and I took up the slot and was useless. All these thoughts cross my mind, The truth is I couldn't control the situation. My body for some crazy odd reason needed to shut down at that very moment. Even though I view myself as this super healthy athlete who eats right and exercises all day long. There is something wrong with me which I have no control of,. In fact as soon as I woke up from the “seizure, breakdown, syncpal episode” I declared I was alright and I'm ok to fight. I remember the doctors surrounding me with there heads moving side to side. Whispering things in each others ears and I knew what they were saying. “He's not ok to fight. I just won't approve it.” That's when I really felt like shit. I wasn't making the decisions, the doctors were.
Looking back on it. It was the safest thing to do from the commissioners point of view. They were simply looking out for the safety of the fighters and after an episode like that. They surely won't let me fight. “Lets say that shit happened while you were in the cage fighting already. Let's say Sam hit you once and you collapsed and starting seizing.” -My corner was whispering in my ear. They were all right. But I'd like everyone to know I would have fought if they let me, Even if it wasn't considered the smartest thing. Even if I could have have passed out in the cage. I would have fought till every bone and muscle in my body stopped moving. I guess that's how stubborn fighters like myself are.
I obviously wound up not fighting and went to St. Anthony's ER instead to get worked up. The doctor declare my diagnosis as a syncopal episode and hyperglycemia. He also stated I needed further evaluation with a specialist. Perhaps a follow up an EEG test with a neurologist and a follow up exam with my primary doctor for diabetes.
I returned from the ER to the Cox Convention center to sit and watch the fights as a spectator about midway through the event. I sat there alone and watched and I had so many thoughts running through my mind. Why are you doing this? Look at what just happened. You lost your last two. Now you possibly had a god damn fucking seizure. Maybe you're over doing it. Maybe you should just stick to nursing. I had a lot of negative thoughts about fighting while sitting there. Putting my mother and father through all sorts of stress, getting a bad call from Yves Levine, losing the finale, old injures, quitting my job, and the list kept growing, Then I paused for a second and looked up at one of giant screens they had set up in the convention center and watched this video. Its a highlight reel of various fighters with the song Teenage Wasteland playing by Baba O'Reilly.
Here is the song played at UFC 88. They play it at most of the UFC events.
After watching that, goose bumps grew all over my arms. I saw a compilation of fight clips and different fighters do there thing. I saw it. I saw the glory. I saw Forest Griffin run across the cage smiling after he choked Shogun. I saw Anderson Silva raise his arms sitting on the top of the fence. I saw what it feels like to win. That's why I need this. I need the feeling of winning back in my heart. I need and I want it. Nothing beats that feeling and I'm going to get it. All those negative thoughts of fighting disappeared and I was back! I felt it in my blood and in my gut. This is what I must do, I want to be a fighter, I want to feel victory. I don't care what the costs are. I will try again. Fall seven time only to rise an eighth!
I continued to watch the rest of the fights. I saw Tim Credeur and Nate Quarry battle with every bit of energy they had. They left it in all the cage. I saw Jake Ellenberger and Carlos Condit back and forth battle. I saw these two warriors willing to put everything on the line for that glory. For the win. Fighting inch by inch! The blood dripping from each others faces and the sound of leather gloves smacking the body. I thought to myself. What a spectacular event. What a sport! I need this! I love this!
I must be smart about this. I'm on this medical mission to see whats wrong with me, What went wrong that night? The major question I have for myself is. What can I do to prevent that from ever happening again? That's what I have to figure out in the next few days. Then I'll be back 100% just like that beast you saw on the show.
In this blog I'd like to thank a lot of people. Dana White and Joe Silva are at the top of my list for being so generous and providing me with the show money and win money. They didn't need to provide me with a single penny.. When I found this out I literally broke down in tears of joy. Every up and coming full time professional fighter knows that each check counts! When I approach Dana to thank him his exact words were “We only care about your health. Get better and so we can get you back in that cage!” When I approach Joe to thank him later that evening. He said “Don't you worry Phillipe. We take care of our guys. It wasn't your fault.” My hat goes off to the UFC. Thanks for taking care of me.
I would also like to thank my team, my family, and my friends for helping me prepare for this fight and helping me with this health issue. I know I wasn't able to perform but they are still proud of me. Nardu Debrah, Sifu Ralph Mitchell, Clarence Everette, Alexander “Soca” Freitas, Tyron Credle, John Beneduce, Dave Branch, Luise Levine, all the guys from team Insight, all my teammates at Team Soca BJJ, Renzo Gracie Academy, and Brian Donnelly from Aviator Sports and Recreation. Thanks Jonathan, Fox, Pete, and Christan for coming down and showing support!
I would also like to show special thanks to the ER staff at St. Anthony's Hospital in Oklahoma. They were an excellent team. They worked together and had me feeling very comfortable in no time.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I'm good and healthy. Thanks for the support!
Thanks for all the concern from my friends and fans on my health. Let me explain the situation that occurred this evening. I'll start off by saying there's nothing to worry about at this time. My health is great. I feel incredible and I am in peak tip top shape.My weight cut was only about 8 or 9 pounds overall. I dieted as usual for the cut. The weigh-ins were great. I felt good and healthy the whole time here in Oklahoma.Fight day I woke up and ate as usual and again felt fine. I was in the convention center back stage with my corner. All if a sudden I told my trainer Ralph that I wasn't feeling to good. I told him I'm going to sit down and I took my headphones off. That's the last thing I remember until waking up on the floor. Apparently my body stiffened up and I lost consciousness. At that point the Oklahoma commission's doctors came over and asked me a bunch of questions. Next thing I was interview by a few EMTs and the doctors called fight off.I really can't explain what went wrong. I wound up going to the ER here and the doctor said everything is normal blood, urine, and CT of my head. The only thing abnormal is my blood sugar being high. But that could be from eating so much in the last 24 hrs after the weigh-ins. I was so devastated I couldn't fight that I broke out in tears. But the fact of the matter is I should take care of this problem and see what's wrong with me so it will never happen again. My health is my only concern. I know I'll be back to fight. I'm still looking forward to the fight with Stout. I have to see what's wrong with me first and I'll be back on the road for the next one. Thanks for all your support. I'll keep you all posted.
Phillipe
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